As I volunteered at an event for my son the other night, I suddenly found myself face to face with a person who hurt me personally and professionally. We live in a fairly small community. In the past few months, I have encountered this person numerous times. And each time, my heart and mind travel down paths that are neither emotionally or spiritually healthy, dragging me into a pit steeped in hurt and anger and bitterness.
I have never experienced the pain and confusion of such a betrayal before. Never have I battled against bitterness. I have encouraged others not to let bitterness rule and ruin their hearts. At this point in my life, I am gaining empathy and wisdom for the battle.
In my own battle, I see the ruin I have warned others against. Bitterness and anger, when allowed to rule the heart and mind, crowd out the simple and beautiful joys -- the laughter of our children, my sons exuberance over finding yet another grub in the garden, the caress of my husband's thumb on the back of my hand and all the love that simple act communicates. When we allow anger and bitterness to run unchecked, they begin to taint every part of us. We become angry. We become short tempered. We become spiteful, in thought if not also in word and deed, toward those we perceive to be slighting us. We turn from creatures of beauty and grace to shriveled little shrews bearing the warts of hatred and anger and battered pride. I don't know about you, but when I stew on how I've been wronged, I am grumpy and not fun to be around. My poor kiddos and husband!
As I lay in bed the other night contemplating an opportunity in my life, the niggling voices of doubt and anger arising from my betrayal started to surface and cloud the grace of the opportunity. And I started to get angry. No longer was I thinking and praying about the opportunity, but rather was following the twisted path of bitterness. Suddenly, God reminded me that I am not called to judge. I am called to be like Him. Jesus was accused, lied about, beaten, betrayed, and eventually died an excruciating and torturous death on a cross. Rather than yelling at his accusers and berating them, rather than telling his friends and family to watch out for those liers, rather than calling God's wrath and punishment down on them, He used precious breaths to utter these words, "Father, forgive them."
My breath was almost taken away as that realization hit me. Father, forgive them. Not, "Lord, please pay them back for every unkindness and betrayal they laid out to me." No, rather, "Father, forgive them."
We are called to follow the example of Christ. We are called to be transformed more every day until our hearts look like His someday. We are supposed to forgive, rather than hold onto a list of wrongs.
Today, take these verses with you and let them steep in your heart and transform you. Let go of your anger and bitterness. Pray, "Father, forgive them." You don't have to trust the people who have hurt you, but you do need to forgive them so that the light of God's grace and mercy can shine in you and bring you peace, so you can spread peace.
Romans 12:9
"Love must be honest and true. Hate what is evil. Hold on to what is good."
My translation: We are supposed to love, even when you find someone tough to love. Don't let negative thoughts about others grab a hold in your heart and mind. Battle those negative thoughts with thoughts of what is good. Battle the negative thoughts with prayers for those who have hurt you, and prayers for strength to forgive them.
Romans 12:14
"Bless those who hurt you. Bless them, and do not call down curses on them."
Wow, that is hard to do, isn't it? We want pay back when someone wrongs us. We often wish they will suffer as we have suffered. We want them to hurt for hurting us. Like little kids in shoving match, we want them to fall down, too. But, instead we are challenged to bless them, to wish good things for them. We just pile negative garbage up in our heads and hearts when we spend time wishing they would be punished by God for hurting us. Christ said that the greatest command, after loving God first, is to love our neighbors. Christ did not call down curses on the Jewish leaders when he hung on the cross, when people threw stones at him, when he was whipped. Rather, he called down a blessing -- asking God to please forgive them (Luke 23:34).
Romans 12:19-21
"My friends, don't try to get even. Leave room for God to show his anger. It is written, "I am the One who judges people. I will pay them back," (Deuteronomy 32:35) says the Lord. Do just the opposite. Scripture says, 'If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. By doing those things, you will pile up burning coals on their heads.' (Proverbs 25:21,22) Don't let evil overcome you. Overcome evil by doing good."
It's not up to us to judge or to "make sure they get what they deserve." Jesus told his followers that in this life we would suffer, and sometimes that suffering will be at the hand of other people. Take the burden of anger you feel against that other person off your shoulders and off your heart. Give it to the Lord. We will all be judged one day for our lives. Let Him take care of the judgement, and don't let anger eat you up so that you are judged for your anger and the words and actions that came out of your anger.
Let go of what you are holding to so tightly. You'll find that when you let go of the anger and bitterness, your hands, your heart, and your mind will be freed to grasp the wonderful blessings he has planned for those who truly love Him. Don't miss the joys today because you are holding onto the sorrows of yesterday.
Give it to the Lord, and say "Father, forgive them, and help me to forgive them, as well."
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Helper and Shield
When I was in college, several of my friends and I decided we wanted to get out and enjoy a beautiful Spring day in the great green forests at the base of Mt. Rainier. Finals were approaching, and we needed to blow off some steam and expend some physical energy, rather than burying our heads in the books yet again. So, we piled into a paneled station wagon (picture the Brady Bunch family car), and headed off. It was a beautiful morning on Campus, sun shining, the day warming nicely.
Today, I don't recall our exact destination. I just remember that we shared lots of laughter. Being the Pacific Northwest, weather up in the foothills of Rainier was quite different than that in Tacoma. It was cool and cloudy, but hey, we were young and were keeping quite warm as we hiked and played. Someone was smart enough to pack a couple bottles of water, some snacks from the cafeteria, and some big green garbage bags in the one backpack we had brought with us.
A couple miles into our hike, the Northwest skies suddenly let loose, first with a light drizzle, and then a steady downpour. Picture it. We had no umbrellas. We all wore shorts and t-shirts. Some of us wore wool socks with sandals. I don't think we ever even made it to the end of the trail. We just turned around and headed back to the car as quickly as we could, ducking under trees as we were able in the biggest downpours. The boys were gentlemen, and let the two girls don the garbage bags over our shirts, so as to avoid an embarrassing wet t-shirt episode. We eventually made it back to the refuge of the car, soaked to the skin and chilled, but laughing all the way home!
Sometimes in life, we get caught in a storm, don't we? The rain pours down, and we are drenched. There is no direct escape from the rain storm. The only option is to keep going. If you stop and sit down and weep, you'll just get mired in the mud that pools around you, you'll catch a chill, and you won't get through the storm any quicker.
But, God offers us refuge and shelter through the storm. He is like those mighty, tall Northwest pine trees that towered over us to provide shelter during the heaviest downpours. He surrounds us like those makeshift garbage bag rain suits. The refuge may not look as pretty as you want it to, but it provides just what you need.
Today, remember that God promises to be your shelter and your refuge in the storm, as long as it lasts.
Today, I don't recall our exact destination. I just remember that we shared lots of laughter. Being the Pacific Northwest, weather up in the foothills of Rainier was quite different than that in Tacoma. It was cool and cloudy, but hey, we were young and were keeping quite warm as we hiked and played. Someone was smart enough to pack a couple bottles of water, some snacks from the cafeteria, and some big green garbage bags in the one backpack we had brought with us.
A couple miles into our hike, the Northwest skies suddenly let loose, first with a light drizzle, and then a steady downpour. Picture it. We had no umbrellas. We all wore shorts and t-shirts. Some of us wore wool socks with sandals. I don't think we ever even made it to the end of the trail. We just turned around and headed back to the car as quickly as we could, ducking under trees as we were able in the biggest downpours. The boys were gentlemen, and let the two girls don the garbage bags over our shirts, so as to avoid an embarrassing wet t-shirt episode. We eventually made it back to the refuge of the car, soaked to the skin and chilled, but laughing all the way home!
Sometimes in life, we get caught in a storm, don't we? The rain pours down, and we are drenched. There is no direct escape from the rain storm. The only option is to keep going. If you stop and sit down and weep, you'll just get mired in the mud that pools around you, you'll catch a chill, and you won't get through the storm any quicker.
But, God offers us refuge and shelter through the storm. He is like those mighty, tall Northwest pine trees that towered over us to provide shelter during the heaviest downpours. He surrounds us like those makeshift garbage bag rain suits. The refuge may not look as pretty as you want it to, but it provides just what you need.
Today, remember that God promises to be your shelter and your refuge in the storm, as long as it lasts.
"Oh Israel, trust the Lord!
He is your helper; he is your shield.
O priests of Aaron, trust the Lord!
He is your helper; he is your shield.
All you who fear the Lord, trust the Lord!
He is your helper; he is your shield."
Psalm 115:9-11
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Endurance
I spent the last two months training for a half-marathon. It is something that has been a goal for a while. But, when I lost my job in February, I had extra time on my hands, and somehow needed that goal, as well as the expenditure of stress energy!
A half-marathon is 13.1 miles. When my friend Becky and I committed to do a half-Marathon on May 1, we said we would do it, "Even if we had to crawl across the finish line." Now, at the time we made the committment, I was not running at all. I had been working out 4 days a week at the gym, but, when I lost my job, that luxury was cut out of the budget. So, jogging and fast/walking 3 miles was about my limit. But, with diligent training four days a week, adding a little mileage every week, after a few weeks, we were running/walking 8 miles, then 10, then 11....
Race morning, I knew I would finish, but was still nervous, surrounded by 8,000 other runners and walkers. I had the blessing of doing the race with Becky and two other lovely Christian ladies. We prayed together, and I know our husbands and families were praying God's strength and protection over us. The first 6 miles were a breeze. I hit the wall at mile 9. With Becky's encouragement, a blast of Goo, and a bit of walking, I was revived a bit. Until I hit the wall again at mile 11. God sent some angels in the form of American Heart Association volunteers with some water and more Goo. And, with Becky's constant encouragement (literally, she did not stop talking me through it those last two miles!), a lot of praying and a couple tears, and the encouragement of strangers lining the course along the way, I made it across the finish line in 2 hours and 42 minutes.
That race made me think about life. Our life is like a marathon. It is an endurance event. We have great times that feel like a breeze. Then we get some hills -- health problems, loss of a job, family issues, financial crises.... Then it gets "easy" again, then some more hills. It's a long event. We are going to face many challenges along the way. Our faith is not built for short breezy sprints. That is why we need a close relationship with the Lord, and the encouragement of our Christian brothers and sisters to help us along the way. Just like Becky told me, "Don't stop, keep moving," we need others to tell us to keep doing, to refresh us, to challenge us. And, we need the ever present breath of the Lord with us. His Word is like the water and Gatorade along the race route -- giving us refreshment and nourishment and strength.
I have a devotion book by Chris Tiegreen that has been my constant encouragement through the uphill battles these last two years. I wanted to share the thoughts I fed on yesterday, out of Psalm 55:4-8 and 16-18. Tiegreen writes: "David was a man after God's own heart and a great annointed king. But, in many ways, he was just like us.... When the pressure was on, David just wanted to run away.... Every Christian who has been prepared by God and stretched to his or her limits can relate: There are times when we would do anything if God would just remove us from our trial. We'll pray for ways of escape, but God often leaves us surrounded until his time is right."
He goes on to say that endurance "has spiritual results that nothing else can accomplish." Endurance is something we have to develop. Had I gone out on March 3 and tried to run 13 miles, I would not have made it. I would have been walking by mile 5, and it would have taken me HOURS to finish, if at all! I would have injured myself trying to do 13 miles without training. It took 9 weeks of regular training, stretching, and eating right to be able to accomplish the race to the end. I had to prepare my body and my mind. We can't learn to endure physically or spiritually or mentally in principle. The only way to gain endurance is to simply endure through the pain. Tiegreen writes, "We must be put in a position of having to lean on our God and to learn of his ways. Experience is the only way to know Him."
Just like I finished that race and was able to celebrate that I had accomplished the goal, and look at doing another one sometime in the future, there is always deliverance, a chance to look back and see that you did indeed survive through the trial.
Tiegreen sums it up so beautifully: "The good news for those who go through intense trials and suffering is that once the impulse to flee is broken, God delivers. When endurance is complete, God removes the tribulation we endure. Every fear of Psalm 55:4-8 is followed by every blessing of Psalm 55:16-18. Our God does not leave us in our troubles. He has put us there to discover his provision; He will not withhold it indefinitely. There will be a day of deliverance. It is God who is enthroned forever (verse 19), not suffering. We don't have to flee; we simply call on the One who dwells above our trials."
Doubt that he will deliver you ever? Do you feel like you are just in an ever present state of enduring and pain? Look at scripture, look at your own life. Count those times that God has provided deliverance after the times of struggle. Look at how God blessed David after his times of running from King Saul. Look at how God delivered the Israelites, over and over again. He kept His promise to them, even in the face of their constant disobedience. God is trustworthy. Tell God today that you trust Him. Ask Him to give you strength for today. Strengthen yourself today by consuming his word. Find a verse to memorize this week, think on it, apply it to your life. And know that God will bring deliverance. Resist the urge to flee and just rest in his provision for today. And look for the bright hope that will come....
A half-marathon is 13.1 miles. When my friend Becky and I committed to do a half-Marathon on May 1, we said we would do it, "Even if we had to crawl across the finish line." Now, at the time we made the committment, I was not running at all. I had been working out 4 days a week at the gym, but, when I lost my job, that luxury was cut out of the budget. So, jogging and fast/walking 3 miles was about my limit. But, with diligent training four days a week, adding a little mileage every week, after a few weeks, we were running/walking 8 miles, then 10, then 11....
Race morning, I knew I would finish, but was still nervous, surrounded by 8,000 other runners and walkers. I had the blessing of doing the race with Becky and two other lovely Christian ladies. We prayed together, and I know our husbands and families were praying God's strength and protection over us. The first 6 miles were a breeze. I hit the wall at mile 9. With Becky's encouragement, a blast of Goo, and a bit of walking, I was revived a bit. Until I hit the wall again at mile 11. God sent some angels in the form of American Heart Association volunteers with some water and more Goo. And, with Becky's constant encouragement (literally, she did not stop talking me through it those last two miles!), a lot of praying and a couple tears, and the encouragement of strangers lining the course along the way, I made it across the finish line in 2 hours and 42 minutes.
That race made me think about life. Our life is like a marathon. It is an endurance event. We have great times that feel like a breeze. Then we get some hills -- health problems, loss of a job, family issues, financial crises.... Then it gets "easy" again, then some more hills. It's a long event. We are going to face many challenges along the way. Our faith is not built for short breezy sprints. That is why we need a close relationship with the Lord, and the encouragement of our Christian brothers and sisters to help us along the way. Just like Becky told me, "Don't stop, keep moving," we need others to tell us to keep doing, to refresh us, to challenge us. And, we need the ever present breath of the Lord with us. His Word is like the water and Gatorade along the race route -- giving us refreshment and nourishment and strength.
I have a devotion book by Chris Tiegreen that has been my constant encouragement through the uphill battles these last two years. I wanted to share the thoughts I fed on yesterday, out of Psalm 55:4-8 and 16-18. Tiegreen writes: "David was a man after God's own heart and a great annointed king. But, in many ways, he was just like us.... When the pressure was on, David just wanted to run away.... Every Christian who has been prepared by God and stretched to his or her limits can relate: There are times when we would do anything if God would just remove us from our trial. We'll pray for ways of escape, but God often leaves us surrounded until his time is right."
He goes on to say that endurance "has spiritual results that nothing else can accomplish." Endurance is something we have to develop. Had I gone out on March 3 and tried to run 13 miles, I would not have made it. I would have been walking by mile 5, and it would have taken me HOURS to finish, if at all! I would have injured myself trying to do 13 miles without training. It took 9 weeks of regular training, stretching, and eating right to be able to accomplish the race to the end. I had to prepare my body and my mind. We can't learn to endure physically or spiritually or mentally in principle. The only way to gain endurance is to simply endure through the pain. Tiegreen writes, "We must be put in a position of having to lean on our God and to learn of his ways. Experience is the only way to know Him."
Just like I finished that race and was able to celebrate that I had accomplished the goal, and look at doing another one sometime in the future, there is always deliverance, a chance to look back and see that you did indeed survive through the trial.
Tiegreen sums it up so beautifully: "The good news for those who go through intense trials and suffering is that once the impulse to flee is broken, God delivers. When endurance is complete, God removes the tribulation we endure. Every fear of Psalm 55:4-8 is followed by every blessing of Psalm 55:16-18. Our God does not leave us in our troubles. He has put us there to discover his provision; He will not withhold it indefinitely. There will be a day of deliverance. It is God who is enthroned forever (verse 19), not suffering. We don't have to flee; we simply call on the One who dwells above our trials."
Doubt that he will deliver you ever? Do you feel like you are just in an ever present state of enduring and pain? Look at scripture, look at your own life. Count those times that God has provided deliverance after the times of struggle. Look at how God blessed David after his times of running from King Saul. Look at how God delivered the Israelites, over and over again. He kept His promise to them, even in the face of their constant disobedience. God is trustworthy. Tell God today that you trust Him. Ask Him to give you strength for today. Strengthen yourself today by consuming his word. Find a verse to memorize this week, think on it, apply it to your life. And know that God will bring deliverance. Resist the urge to flee and just rest in his provision for today. And look for the bright hope that will come....
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